Better: Beach Day Ahead

First, merci beaucoup for your words. I knew you guys would give fantastic insight, great advice, and some much-needed virtual comfort, and that's exactly what you did. How did I get so lucky? Y'all are absolutely right. My Mom, as incredible as she is, is not superhuman. She has fears and sometimes doesn't know what to say and most importantly, loves me and worries about me. We finally spoke this morning (2 days sans speaking is like a lifetime to my Mom), and although we didn't discuss our previous convo, we are moving forward. And I'm happy that we're speaking again, too... To be perfectly frank, 2 days sans speaking to my Mom can feel a bit like a lifetime to moi as well. (Shh - don't tell her!)

Second, c'est le weekend!!! Are you stoked? I'm stoked, and you wanna know why? Because I am FINALLY headed to the beach tomorrow! Augh I've been dreaming of a beach vacay for years, and since that can't happen, a beach day will more than suffice (for now... Ma Soeur and I have discussed a family vacay to Hawaii next year. YES PLEASE!!!). I plan to hit up the ah-mazing new Trader Joe's by my flat today for some yummy munchies, and tomorrow morning I'll be taking the LIRR away from this crazy city and enjoying some much-needed peace and quiet. Last weekend I bought a new suit @ Bloomies avec Ma Soeur, and I can't wait to wear it (not sure I've ever uttered those words re: a swimsuit). It's girly and retro and will go perfectly with my large floppy hat. I think I'll have to swipe on the perfect red lipstick (Brave Red by MAC) to complete the look. Beach, here I come!

What're you dolls up to this weekend?

Role Reversal

As a child (adult child, as it may be), it still throws me for a loop whenever I'm disappointed in my parents. Quel role reversal!! For the longest time, I thought it wasn't right, or even possible, for a daughter (let alone the baby of the fam) to be disappointed in her parents, but obviously, that's not the case.

As I'm sure you've figured out, I'm extremely close to my Mom. We have grown closer throughout the years and being so far away from her has been one of the most challenging parts of moving to New York. We talk daily, sometimes multiple times a day, and I still sneak into her bed when I go home. I'm her baby. And right now I'm struggling. I am struggling to realize that she doesn't always know what's best for me and that right now, she is not being the mom I need her to be. Allow me to explain...

I've had a rough couple of weeks. I hate not being in control, and that's exactly what's happening here in NYC. That coupled with my complete lack of certainty regarding my future here, be it professional or personal, has got me in a tizzy. On top of that, I've been dealing with some roommate drama and a potential rent increase, all of which culminated in a 2-hour "discussion" (I use that term loosely) last night. Having my sister here was a godsend - I needed her, in the flesh, to tell me things would be OK. Which is exactly what she did. The weird thing is, I'm more used to my Mom being the comfort and my Sister being the disciplinary/tough love mother figure. But my Mom seems to have changed her definition of "supportive" in the past week and a half, and it's got me in major devastation mode. What am I to do when the person who's supposed to be my biggest source of comfort and #1 life cheerleader turns her back on me?

Luckily, Dr. G has been in town for the past few weeks, and last night I sent her an emergency email asking if she had time to meet. We met for coffee this morning (at the darling La Grainne Cafe!), and I was feeling back on track. She reminded me that I am an individual, and I know what's best for me. And that means being honest with my Mother and telling her what I need from her - aka support, comforting words, a shoulder to cry on. And if she can't give that to me, then I don't need to be talking to her right now. So I felt good, came home and called my Mom, told her what I needed and fully expected her to apologize and say, "Of course, darling, if that's what you need, I am more than happy to give it to you." Unfortunately, the convo did not go that way. It was more of a, "Well, I'm not going to tell you it's going to be OK because you need to be scared and face reality and it might not be okay." (Nevermind the fact that I am a twenty-six, soon to be TWENTY-SEVEN, year old lawyer who is FULLY aware of how tough this city is and the risks I took to come here.) So I said I couldn't talk to her if she couldn't do that for me, and she said fine, don't talk to me.

So here I am, feeling un peu like an abandoned child, and realizing that no matter how inextricably bound I am to my Mom and no matter how wonderful she is, I am, at this very moment, incredibly disappointed in her. She can't give me what I need right now, and so I need to find it elsewhere, and I need to not talk to her. That is extremely difficult to digest. But since I am SICK AND TIRED of crying (you should see my face right now - it's a puffy disaster zone), I'm just going to have to accept it.

Can you help me accept it? Have you experienced this with your own family members or mentors? How do I let this not affect my (currently fragile) emotional well-being?

Scenes Avec Soeur

It's been an absolute joy to have my sister in town for the past couple of days. I'm beyond devastated to have to say goodbye to her tomorrow (only until October hopefully!), but we've had an incredible jam-packed couple of days, filled with lots of eating, shopping, and laughing. It's what we do best. :) Here are a few scenes from our short time together...

brunch @ Five Points (can you spot moi?)

having fun w/ a CRAZY trench @ Barneys... it had, like, 2 collars

i thoroughly enjoyed my lychee martini @ BondSt

ma soeur eagerly awaiting her raw fish @ BondSt (she LOVES the stuff)

red velvet cupcake from Amy's Bread bakery @ Chelsea Market

my NY big sis @ Le Grainne Cafe for dinner

me and my big sis. she's kind of incredible... i'm the luckiest lil sis in the world!

NYC avec Ma Soeur

{image: The Sartorialist}

Ma Soeur is arriving bright and early tomorrow morning (at some ungodly hour like 7 a.m.!!), and we are going to spend Sunday the way us Park Sistas do it best - shopping and eating! Tentative plans include brunch at Five Points, shopping at Bloomies, Barneys, and Bergdorf, perhaps a quick trip to Babycakes or wine & chocolat at Cocoa V, and dinner at BondSt. (Unfortunately, we won't be doing all of this quite as stylishly as the two gals above. In case you haven't heard, it's about a million friggin' degrees here in NYC which makes looking cute and stylish damn near impossible. Le sigh.) I am beyond excited to see my darling sister and to spend some quality time with her. She has to work on Monday and Tuesday, unfortunately, but just to have one full day with her makes my entire week!

Hope you've had a fantabulous weekend, my darlings! See you soon...

Friday I'm in Love

{image: flickr}

Actually, this Friday I'm not in love. This week has been... odd. Thankfully, it went by very quickly, and I'm welcoming the weekend with open arms. My tentative plans include yoga, the gym, a bbq in Prospect Park, and then of course a day o fun on Sunday avec Ma Soeur. She couldn't be coming at a better time.

I'm determined to pull myself out of this week's slump. Next week I hope to wake up early, do lots of yoga and lots of running, visit museums, explore neighborhoods (the weather is supposed to stay in the 80's - woohoo!!), and remind myself why I love this city.

Last night I ate spicy Korean tofu soup and saw Inception (HIGHLY recommend it). Remember when Leo DiCaprio was gorgeous? Yeah... not so much anymore. But he is a damn good actor.

Bon weekend, my darlings! Love you lots.

Wish List

In the spirit of wanting beautiful things but not being able to afford them, I'm making a virtual wish list...

This gorgeous embellished leopard "bib." I die for it.

These crazy clog boot hybrid thingies that I'm sure 99.9% of you will think are uggo, but I am dying to rock them this Fall. Oh Jeffrey Campbell, you do it so well every. single. time. (And don't worry - I wouldn't wear them with those socks.)

This oversized horizontal cross necklace (rocked here by Vanessa Hudgens) and reminiscent of Tay Tay's infamous horizontal cross on The Rachel Zoe Project Season 2.

This super fun and completely unnecessary sparkly heart pouch thingy. Technically I could afford this quite easily, but let's be honest, I so don't need it.


The Alexa bag by Mulberry. I love its satchel shape and vintage feel. I don't love its price. ($1,150 in case you were wondering...)


Sigh. NYC is filled with fashionistas, and I must confess, it's almost impossible to not want to run out and buy the latest thing (esp. since it's probably just around the corner). That being said, some of the most fashionable outfits are those sans labels or expensive price tags worn by hipster gals with probably less money than moi. I have hope.

Finding My Way Back

It is HAWT in the District. It's like 95 degrees and humid as a swamp kind of hot. But luckily, I met Valerie from City Life Eats at Cafe Green in Dupont for a spectacular vegan brunch and had one of the most delicious beverages of my life. It was a coconut water/coconut meat/raw cacao/agave iced smoothie concoction that rocked my freaking world and made the heat ever so slightly more bearable. Merci Valerie for introducing me to such a fabulous eatery! I will most definitely be back.

This quick trip to DC was just what the doctor ordered. DC is much quieter and un peu slower than the daily hustle and bustle of New York City. I've enjoyed the quiet here. That being said, I'm eager to get back to the city (and the afternoon shade that the tall buildings provide). Last night while we were out, I told my friend J that when I realized that I only had one more day here, I immediately thought, "Boooo I don't want to go back to Austin and go back to work..." And then I realized, HA - I don't have to!! And I must confess, it was a very, very good feeling indeed.

Being here has also reminded me to write this very post which I've been meaning to write for the past couple of weeks. For the past 6-8 months, I've been in a weird place. I've been sort of anti all things self-help/yoga/deeply introspective/whatever. I stopped journaling. I stopped practicing yoga. I stopped reading and collaging. And I stopped wanting to read that kind of content on the blogosphere or anywhere else. I just kind of shut down that formerly big part of my life and went elsewhere. I still can't fully explain why, but I am happy to report that since moving to NYC, I've discovered that I am slowly but surely finding my way back to that place. It probably won't ever be where or what it was before, but I think that's a good thing. I'm journaling again, I'm finding my way back to the mat, I'm eager to tear inspirational images or words out of magazines, and I'm rediscovering some truly beautiful blogs. It's a good thing.

My life has changed so drastically in the past few months that I'm often completely unaware of where I am, what I'm doing, why I'm doing it or where I'm going. I've always been the opposite. I always knew what my step was, whether I liked it or not, and not knowing for the first time in my life is both incredibly freeing and extremely terrifying. I'm more thankful than ever to have this blog as an outlet to not only share my triumphs and struggles with you, but to connect with so many of you who have either been through this before or are currently experiencing it now. Isn't it wonderful? It will never cease to amaze me how powerful the blogosphere has been and how lucky I am to have met (both virtually and physically) all of you amazing individuals. Je t'adore beaucoup. I hope you had a divine weekend. See you Monday...